Many technological companies pride themselves on their design prowess. Apple is perhaps the best example of this, and for the most part, I do agree that their design is incredible, smooth, gorgeous and any other superlative adjective you care to throw in the mix. Their machines are sleek, usable and designed with great care, originality and thought.

So why oh why do Apple still insist on including a Kensington lock on their laptop lines, except for the too-thin MacBook Pro?

Here are 4 reasons which flabbergast me, knowing that Apple still includes this primitive system on their sexy machines.

1: Everyone else does

According to Wikipedia, a Kensington lock is “a small, metal-reinforced, oval hole found on almost all small or portable computers and electronics equipment, particularly on expensive ones, such as laptops, computer monitors, desktop computers, gaming consoles, and video projectors.”

Have you ever heard of Apple conforming to standards, just because they have to? No, you haven’t. They won’t even support Flash, the most widely used video format on the web, although this may be for good reason. So why the Kensington lock?

"Cutting" edge design, but I'll get to that in a second.

2: It secures nothing

There seems to be anecdotal evidence out there that you can easily defeat a Kensington lock, by which I mean the lock proper, like picking the lock. I won’t enter the merits of that argument, but I will quote these comments from isource.com:

jason wrote on February 7, 2009

strangely, my 2-buck generic laptop lock bought in China works fine with my new aluminum macbook. what a relief…

m.e. wrote on May 10, 2009

@jason: you say this now… I have no doubt that my 6-buck generic bolt cutter from China will work wonders in your case. :p

It’s not rocket science, a cable that thin can easily be shorn using a moderately powerful tool. Or else, if you’re moderately like McGyver, try this:

3: You’ll lock it, and then lose the key

Oh yes you will, just google ‘Kensington lock + keys” and you’ll get pages upon pages of idiots asking where they can get their Kensington Lock opened because the cat startled them and they swallowed the key, so they’ve been shuttered in the library for 3 consecutive nights trying to force it open and would really love a sandwich and a shower.

"Listen, that's what MacRumors said, now piss off and get me a screwdriver!"

Even better, these guys asking around are probably the same people who stole your laptop by cutting the Kensington cable, and now want to know how to get the ugly metal thing attached to your laptop off, so they can fund their meth habit some more, thank you very much.

4: It will break your laptop

Indeed it will. If you’re lucky and the lock doesn’t shatter the plastic cover when you use it the first time, then perhaps you’ll realise that after, say, 50 times you’ve used it, the hole will start wearing down and getting bigger. As holes are wont to do after all. The effectiveness of your lock will decrease and decrease until one day, the lock just won’t lock, because as I once heard a friend say about a particular lady, it will be ‘like shooting a football into a 9 foot wide alley’.

It's not the lock that stops me, it's your ugly bloody laptop!

So what can you do?

Kensington locks are for people concerned about the safety of their laptops when they go and pick their coffee up at the counter in Starbucks. In my world, you’d have to as mad as a hatter to leave your laptop unattended in any case and for any duration of time, and if you think you can allay the danger with a poxy little wire cable, you’re as delusional as you are naive.

The Kensington can slow down, or maybe stop, an opportunist, not someone who really, really wants your new laptop. What it will certainly do is shatter your laptop to pieces while the opportunist yanks your laptop off its proverbial chain a few times, and then quickly makes his/her exit empty handed, if they don’t manage to break it.

Many use the Kensington lock for other things, for example, a display monitor and such. Perhaps that may be a good use. However remember that the best security is awareness. Have a look at this comment posted on mac-forums.com:

We had a situation similar to this happen at work, someone got past security and walked out with 15+ laptops, all taken off desks. Ironically all the desks have the locks, so don’t get lazy and elect not to use it after your purchase.

 

So basically, don’t be an idiot. If they can get into your car, break your steering lock, break the ignition system and drive off in a few seconds, you can’t expect a cable thinner than your pinkie to hold out in any determined assault. Close your laptop, bag it up, then go get your stupid latte. If you think people are going to hold back from stealing your laptop just because you’re 5 paces away, you deserve to have it stolen. The ultimate punishment in this world is stupidity.