It really really irks me when people are so stupid and bloody herd-like that they don’t even realise they’re not making sense. The latest display of this phenomenon is Ryan Dunn’s sudden death in a car (automobile if you’re Stateside). Dunn, for the lucky amongst you who never had the pleasure of making his acquaintance, was a nuisance, a literal jackass who exploded onto the world by shoving a toy car up his ass in MTV’s contribution to popular culture, Jackass.

Here are 5 reasons why I couldn’t give a tupenny fuck that Ryan Dunn is dead, and why you shouldn’t too.

1: He was a Jackass

I know that’s not enough to glaze over a death, but then he was jackass supremo, a man who convinced the world that there was a need for us to watch spoilt American brats launching at each other and in general using only very specific, limited parts of their cortexes. Waste of time, waste of space, waste of life. Not much lost here. Except for what was probably a very nice Porsche before the big stop.

2: CKY

The club he belonged to, founded along those most cultured of Americans, the Margera family, had an acronym for a name, CKY, or Camp Kill Yourself. There of course is the band, CKY, Club Kill Yourself, which also sucked pretty much ubiquitously. In any case, what I’m getting at is that this guy had made his peace with dying, and dying violently, a long, long time ago. Why begrudge him now?

3: He was drunk

Dunn died in a car crash at 3 AM, hours after he tweeted a picture of himself drinking with buddies, or so TMZ says. At the time of the accident, Dunn was believed to have been traveling over 110 mph (180 km/h). Now, this isn’t Cluedo, so if a man so bent on self destruction actually does turn up in a ditch, we shouldn’t be so surprised. In brief, screw him. Him, and his as yet unnamed companion in the car, they both got what they deserved. They should’ve called a cab. Lucky they didn’t plough into some single parent rushing to get home from the 3rd shift of the day though. That would’ve sucked.

4: Look up to him?

Say what? You look up to him? You’re a fan? He was great? Oh shut up, the only thing you needed to be Ryan Dunn was MTV, a team of great doctors, insurance and very little brain matter which you shared with your audience. If Vanessa Mae died it would be a great tragedy indeed. The fact Ryan Dunn died is only testament to the fact that yes, asphalt is harder than skulls in the end.

5: You live a jackass, you die a jackass

Everyone seems so surprised, everyone seems so taken aback. I beg to differ. Live like a jackass, die like a jackass. What, did you expect sympathy from me? How surprising is it going to be when Amy Winehouse does overdose fatally and we have delectable footage of her being dragged out of some Portuguese cathouse, those huge lips of hers covered in dried vomit and blood? Not very surprising at all, right? So what’s with all the suspended disbelief when an idiotic monkey like this who loved nothing more than to defy death actually does succumb?