What normally happens to me when I’m relaxed and enjoying a day of relative inactivity is that, against my better judgement, I check out the newspapers to see the state of of the world I am living in. I must really hate myself for doing so, because as such, the only state of the world I should be concerned about is that which occupies a 5 meter diameter around me. Otherwise, it’s summer, ergo, too hot to care. However, that doesn’t stop little nuggets getting into my head. Here are my mercifully short musings, which you can all call my 5 Friday Brain Farts.

1: I despise you because you’re stupid, so strictly speaking I am entirely blameless in this exchange.

2: I don’t get people who don’t get what they’re doing, flitting from politics, to food, to recruitment, to transport reviews. Pick something you’re good at, or could one day be good at, and stick to it for some time. Cockroaches didn’t become such a hardened species by trying to make wine, or write poetry. Neither should you, proverbially speaking.

3: In my case, what you see is what you get, metaphorically speaking of course. My job is to be an idiot and remind everyone that my way of seeing things is a lot more fun than yours.

4: Every time I hear the words ‘Cultural’ and ‘Policy’ in the same sentence in this country, I think out loud “This couldn’t possibly work.“

5: Newspapers; you’re about as exclusive as Jenna Jameson. Even better, newspapers, you’re exclusive in the same way the Saudi royal family is monogamous.