Proverbs are an excellent way of transferring lifelong knowledge in a handful of words. In fact, today we might say that proverbs are basically canned wisdom. Proverbs, however are much like browsers, they need be updated and their holes plugged. In my research I came across someone else who’s done this sort of job, updating proverbs from the arcane to the avant-garde, and in the in the interest of not doing a Nikita, I invite you to see his stuff too. In any case, here are my 21 Proverbs (and sayings and phrases) updated to Modern Life. The bold versions are the originals, the regular type spells out the updated version.

 

1: A bad penny always turns up.

A bad PayPal account will be blocked. Eventually.

 

2: Life is too short to drink cheap wine.

Life is too short to remove hardware safely.

 

3: We’re on the same page.

You say we’re on the same page, but you’re still waiting for your Kindle download to complete.

 

4: One good turn deserves another.

One good link deserves another.

 

5: A loan though old is not gift.

A loan though old is not gift. Greece take note.

 

 

6: Climb mountains to see lowlands.

Climb mountains to see lowlands. Unless you have a flying mount.

 

7: Actions speak louder than words.

Unfriending speaks louder than words.

 

8: Life is just a bowl of cherries.

Life is just a bunch of cookies.

 

9: A stumble may prevent a fall.

A Stumble is a fall.

 

10: The best throw of the dice is to throw them away.

Do not start gambling online.

 

11: He that plants trees loves others besides himself.

He that plants trees has offset his carbon output.

 

12: Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but trolls will never hurt me.

 

13: Love your neighbor, yet pull not down your hedge.

Love your neighbor, but watch those Facebook privacy settings.

 

14: Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass.

Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass. Failing that there’s Angry Birds.

 

15: Who is so deaf or so blind as he that willfully will neither hear nor see?

Apart from readers of the Times of Malta online, who is so deaf or so blind as he that willfully will neither hear nor see?

 

16: A full cup must be carried steadily.

Two girls one cup should never again be mentioned.

 

17: Still waters run deep.

Still waters run deep, but sparkling water should be served with lemon.

 

18: An idle brain is the devil’s workshop.

An idle brain created LOLcatz.

 

19: Fools build houses, and wise men buy them.

The property market sucks ass.

 

20: A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon.

A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of pixel.

 

21: When the rich wage war, it’s the poor who die.

When the rich wage financial war, it’s the poor who starve.