As is to be expected, the minute some black dude even raised his voice in Safi, the conspiracy theorists on the Times of Malta comment boards and everywhere else on the island were jizzing over each other in sheer anticipation of what they’d like to call “I told you so”. In the interest of public sanity, here are the 5 differences between the riots in Malta and the riots in London.

1: Size

A few tens of thousands of people roaming around the streets and doing what they like is a riot. It could also be the aftermath of a football match in Serbia, but for now, let’s call it a riot. 100 people pelting a few stones and shouting ‘fuck you’ at the Times’ cameras (hilarious BTW), is not. Seriously dude, a Facebook party gone wrong in Germany had 1500 surprise attended. That’s 15 times worse. Do you think the Germans called in their Spezialeinsatzkommandos? Why I think not, although they did bring horses. I wonder if that would have happened if it were the centre of equine excellence, Marsa.

2: Freedom

There is a marked difference between happenings in London and the UK and happenings in Malta. While some will argue that the people rioting in England are economic prisoners, and they may have a point, truth remains that they are fundamentally free. The rioters in Malta are not. Most certainly not now. In fact, these people had just learned that they’d lost most of the precious freedom they had till now. Big difference.

3: Sneakers and bed pans

I didn’t see any blacks, or even whites for that matter, running from Safi carrying new shoes, designer clothes or huge ass TVs. In fact, the Times reports that “The place was also extensively damaged. Beds were broken, skips and wooden partitions were set on fire, windows were broken and some vehicles were also damaged with the stones thrown by the immigrants.” That is not the same kind of revolt. Not in a million years is that the same thing. A revolt motivated by freedom is miles away from a revolt motivated by Reeboks.

4: Violence

While I condemn all the violence, all of it, which has about as much effect as pissing on a barbecue in full swing (ie: lots of steam, not much more), there is a huge difference in the scale of violence between supposed Malta riots and the UK riots. Police in the UK got Molotov cocktails thrown at them. In Malta, the shit hit the fan. True story. Well, shit and “water with toilet bleach was throw (sic) at the soldiers and policemen.” And a few stones. No problem if you have a helmet and shield.

5:  We know nothing

There’s been a million and one theories over what caused the UK riots, and doubtlessly, there’ll be that much about the disturbance, as that is its rightful name, in Safi, Malta. In the UK they’ll say it was the murder of Mark Duggan, general societal greed, a sense of anomie and non belonging etc etc.

In Malta they’ll say it’s about bad treatment, insanely long waits while in detention, inhumane conditions etc etc.

What we do know is that we do not know. Safi is closed. I had a few pictures of the Marsa Open Centre which had never been seen by outsiders, and that is inherently open, as the name suggests. Safi is our little Area 51, where we know nothing of what goes on inside. So our little middle class heads could not possibly fathom what reasons a migrant who’s been beaten by life in Africa, across the sea and then here has for rioting. Much like we’ll never truly know the reasons why young people in the UK just launched themselves into thuggery. Oh wait, that’s a similarity!