Recently I watched an excellent film called ‘For the Bible tells me so’. It’s a feature about a number of American families, all Christian of some denomination, and how they dealt with members of the family being gay. Some were heart warming stories of compassion, support and love. Others were recounts of ignorance, intolerance and fear. I asked myself how such ridiculousness still goes on, and in 10 seconds flat I remembered another 5 Things which are so ridiculous even Christians couldn’t possibly believe.
1: Adam and Eve
Two people is where we all came from right. Two people in a garden. Isn’t that a little bit more complicated than the truth, that is, than evolution? Can you think even think of how in the hell two specimens of a species never before seen could *poof*, be created and reproduce within a single lifetime? And how about their ancestors? They’d all be related, so is the entire human race based on serial acts of incest? Just how little do you guys read?
2: Papal Infallibility
Papal infallibility is quite possibly the biggest scam since the buying of pardons. Basically, a man, elected by the College of Cardinals, also all men, is telling you that when he speaks as the voice of a man who’s been dead two millennia (St Peter), he is actually the voice of another dead man two millennia removed (Jesus), and that everything he says thereunder is infallible.
What is this we’re playing at here, a generational game of Chinese whispers? Don’t you people know we have antibiotics and peer review in this day and age?
3: Ascension to heaven
A number of people were ‘assumed to the skies’ in the Bible, as naturally as 2 loaves might feed a hungry crowd. Elijah and Our Lady stand particularly of note here. But do you honestly expect me to believe the testimony of men living in an ignorant time, which was still quite a lot after the fact purportedly happened? A chariot of fire swooped down and picked the good man up and raced to the heavens! You can’t possibly be serious. Oh, and there’s no such thing as a chariot of fire either, and if there were, it’d be no good today; carbon offset.
4: Virgin birth
If being a virgin means not knowing sexual relations, and sexual relations create children, then it stands to logic that having children runs counter to virginity. Yet many still insist that Jesus was of Virgin born. And I ask you, how is this ever even something to contemplate about, let alone admit is plausible. Don’t we have anything that’s a little more important to worry about? After all we know in the world of medicine, shouldn’t some ob-gyn have stood up to the Pope by now and told him a little about pudenda?
5: Eating the flesh of god
This one just takes the biscuit. Oh, horrible pun. Seriously though, you expect me to believe that all these people who go to church and take communion actually believe that they are eating the actual flesh of the actual man called Jesus who lived and died over 2000 years ago? Transubstantiation, you call it. You seriously believe that? Why don’t we have a tuna fish from that period which keeps on regenerating and saving our fish stocks? Granted, it’d be fish fingers by the time it got here, but hey, it’s something. And if it’s not the actual Jesus that you’re eating, which it isn’t, do you really know that the Church insists it is? And how do you feel about believing that now? By which I mean, in this age of microwave ovens and 3D printers, satellite communication and operations by robots, boundless technology and infinite knowledge, how do you feel about believing this stuff, given that it is now, and not, say, 54 AD.
And how about you? What’s your favourite religion bullshit story? Share in the comments below, and you too might get into my kingdom of heaven.
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5 Reasons why chicks should wear more clothes
Rajtha tard vera imma prosit! Tal-genn int! :) Alavolja mhux dejjem na
5 Reasons why the Malta to Gozo tunnel proposal is bullshit
Then you just have to live with it and that's it. Or as suggested befo
5 Reasons why the Malta to Gozo tunnel proposal is bullshit
'if you have a problem living in gozo, then don’t live in gozo' Tha
5 Reasons why the Malta to Gozo tunnel proposal is bullshit
Matthew, it's not the ferry taking 2 hours to cross. Don't be silly. N
5 Reasons why the Malta to Gozo tunnel proposal is bullshit
You bring up many valid points. However, my main objection to the tun
Mar
“so is the entire human race based on serial acts of incest?”
hilarious! well written
Anna
Ohh yes !! This debate debacle surely enough does get on my nerves. An acquaintance of mine still believes that earth was created in 7 DAYS. And when confronted about it is in denial and says it is not possible to thinks she is only 24 u would think she would know better.
Malcolm
5 things even christians can’t believe? The 5 points u made are almost the top 5 things Christianity is based on, lol
diana
lol @ antibiotics & biscuit comments!! bravo!
Mario Debono
Mark I think you have Christianity and Catholic all mixed up. They are actually 2 very different way to look at God. Christians are what the Bible talks about and Catholic came some 700 years after Jesus and was a mix between Christianity and Paganism. Christians must be Born Again as the Bible says and believe all the Bible from cover to cover. There is no judgement, only God can judge. We love all humanity but resist false teachings and doctrines. Now if you don’t believe that the Bible is the true word of God that your prerogative but for Christians if it’s not in the Bible then we don’t hassle with it. Hence for us Mary was just Jesus’s mum on this earth and not to be worshiped and so are all other saints. She wasn’t a virgin all her life as Jesus had brothers and sisters. We don’t believe the pope is infallible, far from it, but we don’t judge. Peter their so called 1st pope was far from infallible as the Scripture says. We don’t believe Jesus comes down every time into a piece of bread, we believe Jesus lives in us when we accepted Him as our Lord and Savior, therefore what we do is a remembrance of His passion as He asked us to do. And as the Adam, Paul and Jesus himself spoke about Adam. This is more than enough proof for us believers. May God bless you.
Mario
Mark
“We don’t believe Jesus comes down every time into a piece of bread…”
By saying that you prove my point. Haven’t been paying much attention have we?
Reuben Scicluna
What Mario Debono is TRYING to tell you is that he is Christian but not Catholic. And you have listed 5 “beliefs” that you have a) misunderstood and b) in their correct form are believed by Catholics and not by all Christians. (All Catholics are Christians, but not all Christians are Catholics)
Turns out the joke’s on you because you haven’t really understood what you’re making fun of …
Mark
Haha, sure it is. I really don’t have to argue my Catholic credentials here.
Sunny
You have can’t have the monopoly on useful information-aren’t monopolies illegal?
kenneth bonnici
if i knew i would awake from the dead after 3 days, i wouldn’t mind dying every monday………..
David
lol!! You definitely don’t have and idea what those 5 things you mentioned are and thus what Christianity is!
Mark
Listen mate, I may not be a dentist or something as impressive as that, but I think I can understand the meaning and ramifications of something such as ‘Virgin Birth’. If you’re too cowardly to admit that the religion you may or may not have based your life on is a complete myth, well it’s your balls that are lacking, not my intelligence.
Kevin JV
So by Virgin Birth we mean “I didn’t have any sexual relations with that (wo)man” … sounds like a Bill Clinton to me
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Main Tower
A show of pure ignorance! Neither you’re a dentist nor an intellectual.
Only a sensational scum bear!
Emma
Bottom line … Jesus was a good politician ! And his 4 evangelists had impeccable marketing techniques ! Well-writen Mark
NeoDarwinist
“Virgin birth” is not as illogical or as dramatic as it sound, niether is it a godly or miraculous thing.
It is quite possible for a woman to get pregnant without actually being penetrated, as long as semen somehow reaches into the right place. In those days, as in some parts of the world still today, it was important for a woman to have an intact hymen for her to find a husband — often the husband’s family would inspect prior to accepting the goods. It is not inconceivable therefore that “sexual acts” would take place that would specifically not break the hymen and cause the woman to lose her virginity.
Jonathan Caruana
I say one thing Mark here…faith -- you either have it or you don’t
No one is forced to have it. That’s the nice thing about it.
God bless you all!