Unless you’ve been living under a rock with no magazines at hand for the past few years, you will have heard of WAGs, or Wives & Girlfriends of Footballers. Yesterday, Mark outlined 5 reasons why he hates football. It’s my turn now, and basically, there are 5 things which annoy me about WAGS.

1. They marry footballers

Marrying always comes with its pitfalls, be it marrying a footballer, or marrying a mechanic. A mechanic comes home smelling of oil and has dirty fingernails. A pro footballer lives for his sport and the fame it brings with it, especially the women that fall at their feet. So you shouldn’t be surprised when he comes home covered in grass and smelling of other women. You choose who you marry, but OMG, WAGS are soooo special. They meet their men while they (the men) are slobbering all over them, and other women, and then they feel special because they are the chosen one!

2. They marry for fame and money.

WAGs marry because they want the fame, they want the money, they want it all. Impressed by the celebrity life, they then live their lives out in mansions, drive fancy cars, go to the press and create a whole drama when their husband cheats on them. They then create entirely new careers, comprised of book deals, writing ‘songs’ to go on ‘records’ or modeling.

3. They produce offspring

Q: What’s more annoying than spoilt rich kids? A: WAG kids. Spoilt, snotty offspring with parents who set bad examples to everyone’s kids, let alone their own. Mhmm, I wonder if there is a statistic about the IQs of WAG kids?

4. Picture perfection

Yep, WAGs, perfection personified. They have the perfect body, nails, and hair. They wear designer. And in doing so, they set a standard that is absolutely impossible for anyone who has an actual job they need to turn up to every week day, 9 to 5.

5. They try to become singers

A wag is a profession of its own, because getting manicured twice weekly is really damn hard, but, because they can afford anything they like, the world is truly a WAG’s oyster! They seem to be convinced they can sing. In reality, they have their husbands’ money to pay people to write songs for them, record them, edit the crap out of their nasal voices, listen to their songs and then fill their heads with ridiculous notions such as ‘the artist that lives inside everyone’. They have the cash to produce and approach a record label. What they normally do produce, however, is a steaming pile of crap.

So let me ask some questions:

Can Cheryl Cole really sing?

And exactly what does Victoria Beckham know about designing car interiors?

The real problem I see here is that young girls aspire to be these kinds of people. Marrying rich, being a honey, and wearing the bling. Yes, P!nk really did say it best when she said:

“What happened to the girl who dreams of being the president, she is dancing in a video next to 50 Cent or marrying a footballer.”

Stupid girls: