Recruitment agencies are the ultimate bastion of marketing; they take jobs no one wants with companies no one trusts and spin them into career make-or-break decisions which you absolutely must make, like, now. I’ve dealt with a fair few recruitment agencies in my time, and some experiences left me gasping for breath as if I’d just been mugged in a dark street. Here are my Top 5 Recruitment Agency fails.
1: Not knowing your job
Ever went to an interview that felt like Careers Day at a school? Listen, I understand you may not know exactly what a Structural Engineer’s job entails, but if you’re interviewing one, I’d expect you to familiarise yourself with what seems to make a good one. And if you expect me to answer the question: “How do you envision a typical day on this job to be?”, I’ll answer you by hitting you upside the face with the day’s first cup of coffee. That should suffice as a curt and truthful answer.
I'll just stand here looking pretty and pretend I know what the fuck it is you do.
2: Not knowing their job
I always though that recruitment agencies were meant to take the hassle and pain out of finding a job, and act as interlocutors. Some of them have evidently not received the memo. Listen, asking me exactly what my areas of expertise actually are makes me think I can run circles around you and get away with it. And if I ever get asked to call or email the company who offered the job myself, because the agency can’t get through to them, I swear I’ll go on the dole.
How ironic, I don't know what my job, which has to do with jobs, actually entails.
3: Confusing the job
A great way to start an interview is definitely not “Listen, the job I called you in about has been filled, but I have this position with an ‘immensely reputable company’ and at ‘excellent remuneration’, perhaps we can discuss that instead?” To which I always reply, “Certainly, but I’m not interested in any other job, perhaps you’d like to talk about your wife’s sexual preferences instead?”
Sure, my wife likes two guys at one go.
4: Spamming you
There’s nothing I despise more than spam from recruitment agencies. Listen, get you database in working order, because I, a person who has expressed interest in online marketing jobs, will almost certainly not be interested in a part time fruit picking job. How would you like it if Amazon emailed you saying “Listen, you bought a copy of the St James Bible recently, how about this purple French Tickler we think you might be interested in?” Oh and if you email me one more time about having to fit my CV into your goddamn ridiculous website template uploader thingie, I swear I’ll write that I was a fluffer in LA between 1998 and 2001.
"It was a great job, I got to work in diverse environment and I made lots of connections."
5: Fighting you
I’ll admit that this is not the most common of occurrences, but it’s true, and I know because it happened to me. Imagine a scenario where after 3 interviews in which you were absolutely killer, the recruitment agency calls to say that the job is no longer available, this 30 minutes after an email from the CEO of the company with whom the job is, and in which he tells you that the job is yours. Bound to confuse you right? Well not as much as the confusion that followed. Asking for clarification from everyone by writing an email to all the parties and asking what’s what was an excellent of exposing people’s true colours. Not only did the CEO literally stutter a reply back, the head honcho of the recruiting company ended up calling (as it leaves no paper trail) threatening to blackball me across the country for ‘losing him one of his best clients’. Obviously his proverbial black balls must be small and shriveled, as I’m still standing, and I’m still here.
In case you're wondering, yes, we do actually look like the smug, stuck up assholes we know we are.
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Rajtha tard vera imma prosit! Tal-genn int! :) Alavolja mhux dejjem na
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Then you just have to live with it and that's it. Or as suggested befo
5 Reasons why the Malta to Gozo tunnel proposal is bullshit
'if you have a problem living in gozo, then don’t live in gozo' Tha
5 Reasons why the Malta to Gozo tunnel proposal is bullshit
Matthew, it's not the ferry taking 2 hours to cross. Don't be silly. N
5 Reasons why the Malta to Gozo tunnel proposal is bullshit
You bring up many valid points. However, my main objection to the tun
Jonas
Great post Mark. Think we all agree.
Don’t ever stop being angry!
KJ
You hit the nail on the head with this Mark. Well done! These agencies are manned by idiots who fancy themselves the greatest invention after the wheel. In reality they have zero people skills and don’t even know how to spell empathy let alone recognise the feeling if it bit them on the nose. And, it’s not a local problem…
Bil-fors?
I love the post, and would like to share a couple of anecdotes
1) While at one of the biggest agencies in Malta for a post with the said agency as a recruitment consultant:
They:So you are here for the Java Developer post.
Me:No. I’m here to work for you.
They:That’s what I have written here
Me:Seems like you made a mistake then
They:Let me check with my boss
3 minutes later
They:Ah yes, you’re right, but my boss noticed that you have similar experience and thought you would like this opportunity
Insert rage face here.
2) Wife, after a brilliant interview with potential employer, chases recruitment agency for 3 weeks. Agency changes version every week. Eg. We cannot seem to get hold of X, as he’s abroad. Eg. You definitely have a second interview
After wife gave up, agency phones. Excitement ensues.
Wife:It’s the post for X, right?
They:Actually no, they never got back to us. But listen, we have this good opportunity, 12 weeks data entry operator, with a very good chance to become a perm job. And it pays X per hour
Wife:Actually, I’d be more interested in a permanent job
They:But you are not doing anything at the moment, no?
That’s rude. Mother. Fucker. And catching flies with chopsticks renders more than X per hour
3) The secret database. This is difficult to prove yet… If you are blacklisted by one of the mother fuckers, word will get to all your possible future employers, who meet up regularly at the fucking GOLF course. So much for ethics, vomit bags
4) Fake listings. This happens because it gets them new suckers to spam and potentially make a buck over
I have many more, Mark you touched a sensitive spot of mine
P.S. I wanted to be part of this mafia because I have (had?) a true passion for placing the right guy (gal) at the right place, and bring general harmony in the chaos of our existenz. Right now, seems like it won’t be happening soon.
Mark
Wow. “But you are not doing anything at the moment, no?” Awesome. In all the wrong ways.
Paul Maqmus
It’s ironic that you hate recruitment agencies and cite your own lack of success with them as a result of your main gripe. Truth is, agencies are looking for the best people in the market. The fact that you’ve sent out so many resumes, and have not managed to secure a role, clearly indicates that, well, your not it ! Rest assured if you were not a misfit, agencies would place you in no time as they are there to make money….
Also are you sincerely believing you could place the right people at the right job !! What about the thousands you would leave not placed ….they would share your pathetic view most likely, if you do not place them! Anyway seems you were not successful in forming part of what you are referring to as MAFIA….
My suggestion would be to invest as much time and energy into your resume, as you did into your post, and perhaps you’d have more success?
Or maybe shoot at a level more consistent with your capability?
Just a thought……you looser, now stuff your jealousy as it is going to get you nowhere!!!
PS : You do not need to be blacklisted by anyone as you are a just a jealous LOOSER !
Ros
How about learning how to spell properly and use proper grammar? It will increase _your_ chances of gaining employment in the future.