The budget airline option has become more and more viable over time, especially in the light of the prices charged by other, non budget airlines, a flight with whom would cost as much as a Maserati, or equate to the defence budget of a medium sized African nation. This is not to say that flying budget is awesome, far from it. In fact, I can think of at least 6 reasons why, for example, I hate Ryanair.
Listen, I, understand that with the prices (I’ll come right back to that) Ryanair typically charges you need a certain critical mass to make a profit, but, I don’t think I should have to deal with your critical mass in a queue. It’s not that I especially mind a queue, as long as it does what all queues must do according to the immutable laws of the universe; move forward. Ryanair queues should have a constant appended to them, they’re long, arduous and never-ending. And woe betide you if there’s a delay with Ryanair, but I’ll get to that right away.
I also understand that running an airline is a fairly complicated business, and is not in any way as simple and straightforward as say, writing funny blog posts. However, I’m sure that Ryanair people know just how much we hate delays. Even better, they must know that we really, really hate delays about which we are given no satisfactory explanation, and during which you’re made to feel like a pile of shit for even being slightly indignant. Other airlines do this too, not just Ryanair, it’s just that with Ryanair, it’s a little like “Yeah, we’re gonna be late, don’t dare ask why or question us you cheapo little bastard. Now fuck off back to your seat!”
And by the way Ryanair, a 6 hour delay is forgivable, but not if you promise meal vouchers, which you decide to hand out 4 hours into the delay, and which were worth the princely sum of 5 euro. That, my friends, is a slap in the face.
The deal with Ryanair is that they’re supposed to be cheap right? Yes, well, by the time you’ve booked the tickets and are through getting scammed and basically penis-slapped by the Ryanair website (more on that soon), you’ll come to the realisation every addict has; maybe, just maybe, this is costing me too much. Let’s face it, a round trip for two to London from Malta at €340 is not what other companies are offering, but cheap, well, not really.
Ok, fair deal, so Ryanair should still work out to be awesome if you don’t need lots of stuff when you’re traveling, but then again, if I do opt to buy a place for my ‘extra’ luggage in the hold, I should at least get a smile right? I mean, I’m giving you, or your boss, more money, aren’t I? That, at least in my books, makes me a better, ergo preferred customer. I didn’t know that grunts is the way higher paying customers ought to be treated. Fair enough, some of Ryanair’s staff are absolute darlings/stars, but, too many of you have a bad attitude, one which should be closeted and not put out on parade, especially if your job is to face people about to face airport security.
5: Insurance Scam
Ryanair have this newfangled policy whereby they fuck with you on insurance when booking online. This is one of the basest examples of fucking with the user I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a good lot of these, and I personally hope to see Michael O’Leary and his entire web team burn in hell for.
Basically, Ryanair tells you to uncheck a box which, get this, sells you insurance for the flight and whatnot, but actually, in the drop down menu, shows your country of residence. If you’re booking flights in a hurry, or even if not, you simply assume you need to choose your country from the list. The ‘no insurance required’ label is included alphabetically in the country list, somewhere above Ireland. It’s in very bad form and what’s worse, even though travel insurance is ‘offered’ with every RyanAir ticket, only United Kingdom and Ireland residents are actually eligible for coverage. Which is in even worse, way worse form.
Again, I get that running an airline is expensive and you need to make money out of every single little add on you offer, but do you have to such asshole doing it? Ryanair makes it a point to wake you up constantly throughout the flight, not to serve you breakfast or blow you, which they once ‘offered’, but to sell you their moronic and consequently highly selling items such as scratch cards, smokeless cigarettes, sim cards, and all sorts of other bullshit products you would never, ever consider buying unless forced to. Or woken up for. For the tenth time in a 4 hour flight.
One positive thing does come of all this though. In March, Ryanair ‘invited passengers to suggest the airline’s next ancillary revenue idea’. This came after their Chief Executive, Michael O’Leary, had confirmed that the company was examining ‘the possibility of passengers paying to use the on board toilets’. And one of the ideas, I shit you not, was charging for toilet paper – with O’Leary’s face on it.