I recently asked a fairly simple question, “What’s the most ridiculous name for a bus stop you’ve encountered?” It’s not that I mean to pick on Arriva at all, I mean, they have plenty on their plate, especially what with carting all the protestors to Valletta and back. Not at all, in fact, it might even have been Transport Malta to rename the bus stops, which would make these names even funnier. As it stands though, these names are simply ridiculous. Here are the 10 Most Ridiculous Arriva Bus Stop Names (in Malta). I look forward to some representative showing me where I am mistaken, the error of my ways, and demanding that I repent.

1: Tiġieġ

This one, Tiġieġ, which literally translates to ‘chickens’ is in San Ġwann. Why? Why do you have to call a bus stop ‘tiġieġ’?

2: Tuneżija

Tuneżija, which the more perceptive of you will have realised is the Maltese name for Tunisia, is in Naxxar. Now I’ve heard that we have a Chinese Garden somewhere in Malta, and there’s certainly a Sweden SweetSpot in St Julians, but Tunisia?

3: Tarag

This one would make sense if it were done right. The bus stop is in Tarġa Gap, so ‘Tarġa’ would have made sense. However, someone screwed up, and now it reads Taraġ, which is stairs plural and not stair singular. Nitpicking much? Sure.

4: Piju

A bus stop called Piju. Almost sounds like an off Broadway play. In fact, it is as it is, a bus stop called Piju, in Mġarr, close to Ġnejna.

5: Ross

Ross is in Spinola. Of course, some of you will quite rightly say that it’s called so for Ross Street, and I can understand that. Namaste brother, peace be with you. Still, did anyone ever think that in Maltese, the first and most obvious association to ‘ross’ is the meaning of the damn word, that is, rice.

6: Bankiera

This bus stop is in Qormi. Plainly said, it’s called ‘Bankers’. Sadly for us Maltese, we can’t transpose that to wankers and keep a straight face.

7: Emigrant

Everyone knows what this one means. But why in the hell is there a bus stop called ‘Migrant’. In Naxxar of all places. Not that anywhere else would make it any better, but dude, why?

8: Ommu

I’m not exactly sure where this gem can be found, but I’m willing to bet that it’s at ‘T’Alla w’Ommu’ hill, which translates to ‘God’s and his mother’s.’ Of course, some idiot behind a desk somewhere thought that the best contraction of this would be ‘ommu’, which not only translates to ‘his mother’ but is also a staple of around 34% of swear words in Maltese.

9: Ġang

Gang. Or Ġang. I can’t remember if they actually bothered to use Maltese symbols in the bus stops. Wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t. This one is at the end of triq il-ganċ, in Valletta, a street whose name means ‘Hook street’. Gang, on the other hand, means absolutely fuck all in Maltese.

10: Ewkaristija

This one is in Mosta and I’ll bet it’s somewhere on Eucharistic Congress road. Which just goes to show, if you have ridiculous fucking street names, you’ll get ridiculous fucking names on bus stops. And by the way, not to be a pedant, but ‘eucharist’ and ‘eucharistic congress’ are not one and the same. It’s like saying Congress and sexual congress are pretty much the same thing.

So in conclusion, and once again as with our street names, it would have been a lot better to simply number all the damn things. It works for other places, like, for example, New York fucking City.

That is, unless Arriva plans to release the recordings from their call center, in which distraught German tourists try to sound out Tiġieġ. Or for that matter, English tourists saying they just wanted to get to Buġibba.