It’s been a while since I wrote something about, you know, writing, and doing so correctly and in a way that allows people to have doubts as to whether you’re a complete moron or not. All too often, said doubt is not present, evidenced best by people who confuse ’where’, ‘wear’ and ‘were’.

Where. Fairly simple, this word describes a location. “Where is Germany?”, “Where are you, you bastard?” and “Where in the hell did I leave my phone?”. All correct uses of the word. Humble yet untiring, this word is your standard choice for any query which refers to a location, unless you’re using in a metaphorical sense, such as saying “Where do you get off acting like a complete prick?”, and in which case if you’re answered by “Your mum” to that query, you’re legally allowed to punch the aforementioned prick. For grammatical reasons of course.

Right. Where do you get off using were then? Well, were is only slightly more complex, in that it’s the second person singular past, plural past, and past subjunctive of the verb ‘to be’. Don’t let the names get to you, the use is simple if simple ever existed. The second person singular past is nothing major, it’s “Where were you last night?” or “They were as poor as church mice in an atheist state.” The plural past is “Where were the French when the war broke out?”

Now the clincher, wear. As a verb, it can be used with clothes, as in, what you wear, are wearing or wore. Or it can be used as a noun in “That tap is showing signs of wear.” or “Every gangsta’s favourite brand of street wear.” or even in the salesman’s favourite phrase “wear and tear”.

The above don’t mix and are certainly not interchangeable. You look like an idiot when you switch them around, and what’s worse, I can’t continue reading your shit because, y’know, it’s not right. The guys below knew which one to use where, so you should too. I’m not saying anything about misplaced dashes, because that’s another post entirely.

Update: This would be a great way to grammatically police the internet. If you like it, there’s more of these via this link.