It’s Census Time baby! A time when the line ‘count me in’ could actually double as a joke. Not much could be wrong or funny with a census. Or so you think. @jayzinga shared an awesome answer to one of the questions on the Malta Census 2011. I’ll share that below, but first, here’s the 5 most ridiculous things in the Malta Census 2011.

1: Applies only to….

“Where did you live a year ago?” Fairly innocuous question, right? Yes, but then the instruction below is a little more on  the moronic side. “Applies only if you’re one year or older.”

Well, for a start, I don’t see that many one year old kids filling in the census forms these days. Shame if you ask me, that the young are so disenfranchised.

2: Dates

“Were you attending an academic or vocational course in a formal institution, or by correspondence, between the 14th and the 20th of November 2011?”

Only one problem with that. The 14th is today. I got the Census papers two days ago. And to my knowledge, no one can predict the future.

3: Can you read?

“Can you read and write a simple sentence?” A fair enough question I suppose. Except that if I answer ‘no’, this is question number 25. So what does that tell you about 24 previous answers?

4: What do you work for?

“Have you ever worked for compensation in legal tender (wages), or object or for profit?” No. I work and get paid in bananas. Oh wait, is that an object? I’m afraid I only understand ‘simple sentences’.

5: Homeless?

This is not an error as such, just a bit of a design lack of foresight. Surely they could have thought that some asshole such as myself would find it quite tragically comedic that a large ‘Ieqaf’ (Stop) is placed right next to ‘Bla Dar’ (homeless) as if to say, “You homeless then you bastard? Well, stop doing that, frankly it’s bad for your asthma.”

And now for what I promised you. Epic answer to a stupid question. Having a bit of fun with Malta Census 101: