Current Affairs — 18 February 2012
Malta has a Cardinal and I couldn’t give a toss

So, one of the big news items this weekend was that Malta now has a Cardinal in the collage (woops, sorry, college) at the Vatican. I know, big, important news for the year 2012, right? A cardinal for Carnival, yay, yay, yay! Ok enough of that. Personally, I couldn’t live happily without knowing that, my interests were being accurately represented up there in the Vatican.

The Times reports that “Malta lunched safe in the knowledge that it could now count a Prince of the Catholic Church among its citizens.” Indeed, I dined on an exquisite dish of Not Actually Giving a Shit.

1: I don’t care

Why exactly should I care that Malta has a cardinal, like this is some sort of achievement for the nation? Don’t get me wrong, congrats to the old geezer and what not, but basically instructing me that this is an important and momentous day for the nation is a sort of thinking I don’t ascribe to and frankly, is just fucking pathetic.

And it’s not just that I’m anti-clerical and a darned atheist either, it goes beyond just that. To me, this sort of bullshit is just like the reportage given to tenor Joseph Calleja who said that he would one day bring a Grammy home to Malta. Sweet thoughts and all Joseph boy, but like I said on Facebook, you should win that shit for your own credit and because of your own good and hard work, not for anyone else’s majoram gloriam.

2: Oh yes, we’re delighted!

Oh, and get a load of this. Apparently, or should I say, ‘according to ToM‘, “Cardinal Prospero did his utmost to downplay the occasion, saying that it was likely that the Maltese people were more delighted than he was at his appointment.”

Oh you don’t say? Yes, the Maltese are really delighted at your appointment Your Holiness (is that the correct term used to address a Cardinal?). So delighted were they, I couldn’t get out of the house today because of all the damn carcades, all these cars and imitation Popemobiles out honking their horns and waving the Papal flag. Oh get out would you?

3: Honour say what?

So, “the President of Malta, George Abela, as well as Deputy Prime Minister Tonio Borg said that the event honoured both Cardinal Prospero personally, as well as the Maltese people and their faith.” Honour what sorry? I’m sorry I didn’t catch that in time, I had satanic death metal blasting into my earphones. Honour my faith? I don’t think that I’ve actually given any one of you my blessing to be talking about my faith, or anyone else’s apart from your own. I didn’t actually know that ‘Defender of the Faith’ was in your job description. kthanksbye.

4: You are so beautiful, to me

However, the true clincher is this, and I’m not even counting all this hype for a Cardinal that is too old to ever vote for a Pope because I don’t actually give a toss who votes for other people’s spiritual leader. No, this is the true clincher, what the new Cardinal said – “The most beautiful thing we have in Malta is the faith given to us by St Paul. Keep hold of that, Cardinal or no Cardinal,” Ha, ha, muthafucking ha. No mate, that is, quite plainly, untrue. Everyone knows that the most beautiful thing we have in Malta is our love of migrants, our complete lack of misogyny, our non-existent homophobia and of course, our sense of universal justice. Oh, and since we’re on to fairy tales now, the fact that St Paul took the venom from our snakes and cast it into the the tongues of, oh, never mind.

 

 


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About Author

Mark is a hyperactive child of the internet, a great fan of entropy and a Grammar Nazi. Interested in disasters and perfection, which have a closer relationship than you might think. Pertinent and irreverent, I'm doing this for the LULz.

(33) Readers Comments

  1. My thoughts exactly! Well at least you bothered to write about it.

    Well Done!!

    • Thanks Jesper for your kind words.

  2. Apart from already being a priest, what use could a possibly be to Malta? I dislike all this clamoring… a new Prince! Indeed… Prince of Thieves!

    • Hi Chris, it’s unfair what you said. After all, we Augustinians nourish you every Sunday during Mass and allow you to play your music. Tarxien Tolentino, am I right?

      • Lucienne, aren’t you the model from Milan?

        • Does it make a difference? Model or not, she has a right to comment.

      • I actually was yes Lucienne, before being unceremoniously and for no reason at all… booted out. I cannot understand what happened except that somebody informed me SECRETLY(!!!!) that ‘I was not wanted’… as a (then) good christian I was amazed at this attitude. No call, (or message, or tweet or fb -- just in case they had no money to call)…. just a message with somebody else of not being wanted, and to cap it all, the priests there took 4 months to talk to me… likewise they were not aware I wasn’t wanted (being lied to!), and they readily admitted in erring when I was not contacted.

        I swear , hand on heart, that I still do not know to this day why… This has hit me really hard. Really hard. I used to be up by 5am to prepare powerpoints, artwork, lyrics, printing, and all the like…. so yes, even the congregation suffered and used to ask about me all the time.

        As for allowing me to play my music!!! Are you nuts? I wasn’t allowed…. I was begged to come and give a hand. Just so you’ll know, I have lived in Tarxien for 21years, and I have always been free to give a hand to the various priests, with electronics, computer works, painting, christmas and lent playing…. so yes, I actually was shocked.

        Unfortunately these two instances (pushed away by the leaders of the band, and which I was always content to follow, even when I did not agree…as well as the ‘I don’t care’ attitude by the priests ) have pushed me away not only from the Tarxien Augustine church, but from the church as a whole….

        Now you have to understand that these people with whom I was great friends were of the ‘cellola evangelizzazjoni’… so I would at least expect one of the MANY members to come forward and tell me to my face, or even a nice quiet polite message… ‘Chris, I think you should sit this out because…..’… but nothing.

        My wife used to go and open the youth centre at 9am, and after mass, (up to noon) keep it open and those who wanted to come there for a coffee and biscuits… so that is our morning gone….

        Not even one of these mother-praying gits had the balls to come forward and send even a simple message! None of them…

        And I would not expect somebody who is always in praise for god and all that shit to err so blindly… all 40 of them!

        I am angry, disturbed, and so so angry, I cannot keep the pain inside me anymore, and it is turning to bitter hate.

        • Chris, I don’t know you personally but I’ve been through something similar. Lately, the church in Malta has been hijacked by a group of know-it-all creeps who are enjoying themselves demolishing those who are ‘modernists’ or ‘traditionalists’ just to keep their status quo.

          I will try and get in contact with you to ensure that these things cease to continue. On behalf of those creeps, I apologise for their conduct.

          If this can be of some relief, considering that we’re on the eve of Holy Week, remember that out of 12 apostles, one betrayed him in front of others, one sold him and the other 9 leapt and ran away. Only 1 out of 12 followed him till the end.

          • Joe and Chris, I don’t know either of you personally, and I probably don’t agree with your religious beliefs, but still, if you guys want to get in touch with each other , reply aye or nay and I’ll forward your email adresses on.

    • What do you mean Chris?

  3. Actually Prospero has a good sense of humour and he worked a lot to defuse tension in Malta. Let’s give credit where its due Mark.

  4. Well, not much smiling in reality. Mark, what does this article have to do with racism if I may ask?

    • Not a damn thing.

      • I thought so too. But this magnum opus :-) was indicated as a related article to the one remembering the Sudanese youth killed by the netherworld beings so I was somewhat perplexed.

  5. May the new Cardinal help Maltese with his prayers.

    • How can he help us?

  6. @ Imperium Nostradamus II:

    Like Matthew said, with his prayers. That is the most powerful tool we have.

  7. Does MA,MAG.JUR.[EU Law],LL.D., = Cosmic Divinity? Nope. So Emmy is lost.

    • Anna, didn’t get the message, sorry :-(

    • Lol, that’s the man who’s cosmic. Saw him today with a beaming red face in our capital. I felt humbled by his presence. It’s not every day that you meet a divinity walking in a suit. Probably if I join him, I’ll be the second member after the cosmic founder.

  8. Does anyone know how to visit His Eminence?

  9. What’s the use of an article if no one bothers to reply to pertinent questions?

    • Hi Steffy, I have absolutely no idea how to get in touch with the good father.

      • Thanks Mark. In the meantime let’s hope that our Cardinal reads this piece. I am sure he can give us some insights.

  10. Why these type of comments that are diverting from the subject? are we happy or not with Prosperous’ promotion?

    For me it makes a difference just as much as Form 2 results by Franco (no relation of mine) have hindered my career :P

  11. Slowly but surely, we’re approaching!! Cosmic divinity ahoy!

  12. The end is near… the cosmic divinity says so…

  13. Malta must unite its three faiths:

    a) Cosmic Divinity led by the divine Emmy

    b) Imperium Europa led by Norman

    c) Carrot Church led officially by Paul but its true light is Anton

    Let us unite!

  14. The past few days have been an illumination to me: look at the sky in awe and ponder…

  15. Is that a flag? is it an apostle? no, it’s cosmic divinity that blesses us by its presence in Valletta…

  16. I am old and feeble but strong in the faith!!! Mark, show us the way of Unity. Lead us by the energy of Cosmic Divinity, by the sacredness of the Hypogeum and by the Baroque remnants.

  17. I will now leave you all in peace. I return to my Hermitage in Dingli and wait for the next sign. In a few days the leadership was toppled much to my amazement. May Emmy, Norman, and Paul relinquish their titles and bestow us on Mark. You deserve them. Our country deserves them.

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